Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Approval? Do I need it?

Nah....I just want to be liked.  Is that so wrong?  As childish and as silly as that sounds, that is who I am.  All my life - believe me, my momma dealt with some serious drama from me over this simple struggle.
Everyone has the need to feel included and when you are not - and it's obvious- it hurts.

I have come to terms with my personality - I generally like the world and want them to like me back.  I don't care what baggage you bring - I don't care how you treat me - I don't care if you aren't really "my type" of friend - I still want to be liked by you. ANd I will do my darnedest to win you over no matter how bad you treat me.

Others in my life don't have this "flaw" in their personality and  go through life not caring what other people think of them - As confident and poised as I seem, I do care.  I wish I didn't so much - would save me a ton of time spent analyzing and wondering "if".

Anyways, where am I going with this?

This blog.  I started it for family to see the kids growing up (I don't know if they even read it anymore....) but it has evolved into something so much more.  This is a place where I can type what I think and not worry about what I am thought of.

Until that little worry monster creeps in......do I have any comments?  why isn't so & so reading my blog anymore? why won't my family leave me comments?  have I offended someone?  why am I only getting 4 comments on that really funny post?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I hate it.

Really, I do.

This is not who I want to be.

To me, comments are feedback and another form of approval, so why this need for approval in the one area of my life that shouldn't matter?

I've read that people who seek approval from others have a problem with their own self-esteem.  I don't have that problem - hopefully you have seen by now that I am pretty confident and not ashamed to show it.

So what if I don't get someone's approval?  Will I curl up in the corner and shun myself from society.  uh no. Stop posting?  no.  I know all this, but how can I shake this damn monster on my shoulder?

I know I'm not the only one out there that feels like this??  Right???

Alright - enough complaining from me.  Just leave me some love and I'll shut up already.

thanks.


p.s. I struggled with even posting this...thinking y'all would think less of me...sheesh!


17 comments:

MiMi said...

Nope, you're not the only one. Sometimes I wonder if bloggers are mostly like you. I'm like you.
I'm way more popular on my blog than I ever was in real life. And I like that validation.
When my comments go down I get sad. And it's STUPID.
I don't think less of you. Do you think less of me? Or do you think less of me because I called my dog a dickhead? That could be it. Dang it!

Kelli said...

I think I've almost written this post a dozen times! You know I love you and always enjoy stopping by...wishing TX was just a little closer!

Vivienne @ the V Spot said...

Becca, you're SO not alone in feeling this way. I think we have a little core group of us that "bonded" 2 years ago or so. I know that you guys will be there, leaving comments, being supportive, etc. whether I take a little break from my blog or if I post every day. I think the Core will be there for you no matter what.

To the Regular comments/readers... I just read a really good post on Funky Junk Interiors (I think) about building a readership. She said that the number of readers is directly correlated to the frequency in which we post. To that end, I've been trying to post something every day, even if it's just a few sentences long. (Sort of like if you build it, they will come.)
Becca, anyone who comes here is going to love you. You are fabulous and funny and Confident! and in general a joy to visit.
:) xoxo

Just Jen said...

My confession....I read everything in my google reader and just don't take the time to comment on each post.
Do you know if there is a way to make comments from google reader? I'm technologically stupid! :) I figure out something just enough to get me by!
I'll try to break out of my shell as I love your posts!!!

~ Just Jen

Darling's said...

I am pretty sure I am family, and I am pretty sure I leave comments!!! This is the same conversation a couple of my other friends just wrote about on their blogs. You are not alone! We all feel the same way in our life in some form or another.

Lindsay said...

ughh the approval monster.. I have a hard time keeping him off my shoulders too! Glad to know we are not alone :-)

Connie said...

Keith just asked me the other day why I'm blogging. Because of some ex-family members that are stalking me...I've thought about quitting more than once.

He wanted to know why I'm doing this. I do know that I wasn't loved enough as a child and I seek validation. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

But at the end of the day...the 12 or so people that comment on my blog regularly...are my friends. and if it's just us 12 for the rest of my days...then I"ll be so completely happy!

Love you!

jennykate77 said...

We all feel this way. If one blogger says that they DON'T feel this way, then they are lying. We all know where lying bloggers go...Coweta. It's a horrible place and no one should want to go there.

Comment love is just validation for what we've said, our thoughts, and our ideas. Everyone needs validation (some more than others). It's totally normal.

I've got mad love for you, Becca!!

shortmama said...

I definitely go through periods of feeling that way on my blog...which is very different then my personality in "real" life. In real life I honestly dont care if someone likes me or not. I try to be a good person at all times and they can either take me or leave me and Im good with that...but something about the blog makes me want validation. When I posted every day I got more comments...but I finally had to realize that in order for me to post every day things were suffering at home. Usually by way of my sleep, because not only would I post every day but I would read a ton of blogs every day.

Charon Benton said...

I struggle with the exact SAME thing!!!! I hate it when I even THINK someone may not like me...I stress and worry over what I may or may not have done to make them that way!! Guess I have to live and learn.....

Angel said...

Oh, girl! I think the same thing all the time. I've even gotten to where I won't link mine to facebook--just to see if anyone will #1--even look at it and #2--make a comment. I also get a bit creeped out when I see that 56 people read a post, but no one commented on it.

Impulsive Addict said...

Girl, you are NOT alone! I LIVE for my comments. It's very sad. When I have a post up, I stay by my phone so I can check my email and see all my comments and then I ALWAYS reply back so they'll know I care (because I HATE when people never email me back) and then I TRY to visit their page so they'll come back to my page for my next post. I'm pathetic. But comments build self-esteem. I swear it does. And when you don't feel LOVE, the ol' self-esteem takes a blow.

I feel ya, sister.

And, I know I just started following you but can I be part of the "core" that Viv was referring to? Kthanks.

I think that's another self-esteem issue. Wanting to be included in EVERY.THING.

Myya said...

I am still in the early stages of my blog, the ones where it is more a scrapbook of sorts of the kids. In the last year it has really grown into something so much more. I love the interaction with other bloggers & that back & forth email thing is so validating. Comments are awesome, I love them. No shame in that, that is where the interaction happens. I've only been reading you for a few months & I think you are funny, whitty & definitely confident. If I read it, I will comment. I always read so you can count on a comment from me!

AndreaLeigh said...

You know I've posted about this before. I think we all feel this way, and like JK said, if you say you don't - you're lying. What's the purpose of blogging, other than to receive feedback? Would any of us really blog if no one ever read or commented? I don't think so.

I'm adult enough to admit I need the validation of my friends. I need people to tell me I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm pretty, etc. Don't we all? Life is all about building up the people around us. It would be pretty dull if we never attempted to make our friends and family feel loved.

I don't think you are bad at all for feeling this way. I think most of us do. I am struggling with the same thing. I don't get near the same amount of comments that I used to. I'm trying to just focus on the people that do comment, however. Those people are true friends bc they stick with me no matter what.

You know I adore you. I think you are the bees knees! You are such an inspiration to me and I look up to you so much. Thank you for always being there with a listening ear or a supportive shoulder.

April said...

HA HA HA, I JUST posted on my blog a little bit of processing I was doing about blogging! So funny to open your blog and read this!!

Shawn said...

Look at all of those lengthly heart felt comments. They are all validating your need for some comment love. So I'm gonna keep mine simple, just like me. Anyone who reads your blog needs to comment and love love you like I do. There's absolutely no reason they shouldn't!

And I just need to throw in that IA wants in the "core". Isn't there some form of hazing that needs to come before she can come into our holy sanctum of corehood (Hey Miss valedictorian, is that a word?)?

Shawn said...

Look at all of those lengthly heart felt comments. They are all validating your need for some comment love. So I'm gonna keep mine simple, just like me. Anyone who reads your blog needs to comment and love love you like I do. There's absolutely no reason they shouldn't!

And I just need to throw in that IA wants in the "core". Isn't there some form of hazing that needs to come before she can come into our holy sanctum of corehood (Hey Miss valedictorian, is that a word?)?

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