Approval? Do I need it?

Nah....I just want to be liked.  Is that so wrong?  As childish and as silly as that sounds, that is who I am.  All my life - believe me, my momma dealt with some serious drama from me over this simple struggle.
Everyone has the need to feel included and when you are not - and it's obvious- it hurts.

I have come to terms with my personality - I generally like the world and want them to like me back.  I don't care what baggage you bring - I don't care how you treat me - I don't care if you aren't really "my type" of friend - I still want to be liked by you. ANd I will do my darnedest to win you over no matter how bad you treat me.

Others in my life don't have this "flaw" in their personality and  go through life not caring what other people think of them - As confident and poised as I seem, I do care.  I wish I didn't so much - would save me a ton of time spent analyzing and wondering "if".

Anyways, where am I going with this?

This blog.  I started it for family to see the kids growing up (I don't know if they even read it anymore....) but it has evolved into something so much more.  This is a place where I can type what I think and not worry about what I am thought of.

Until that little worry monster creeps in......do I have any comments?  why isn't so & so reading my blog anymore? why won't my family leave me comments?  have I offended someone?  why am I only getting 4 comments on that really funny post?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I hate it.

Really, I do.

This is not who I want to be.

To me, comments are feedback and another form of approval, so why this need for approval in the one area of my life that shouldn't matter?

I've read that people who seek approval from others have a problem with their own self-esteem.  I don't have that problem - hopefully you have seen by now that I am pretty confident and not ashamed to show it.

So what if I don't get someone's approval?  Will I curl up in the corner and shun myself from society.  uh no. Stop posting?  no.  I know all this, but how can I shake this damn monster on my shoulder?

I know I'm not the only one out there that feels like this??  Right???

Alright - enough complaining from me.  Just leave me some love and I'll shut up already.

thanks.


p.s. I struggled with even posting this...thinking y'all would think less of me...sheesh!